View Full Version : I'm probably overreacting, but... (long rant)

Beach Club Babe
04-18-2007, 02:28 PM
I just can't help but feel underappreciated and inconsequential. On Sunday we were supposed to get a foot of snow from a Noreaster coming up the coast. Instead, we just got a few inches of rain and thought that would be the worst. Wrong! The thing somehow spun around and laid a foot and a half of snow where we live. We live only a mile from the PENNDOT building where they store the snow plow trucks. But as usual, and even though we got hit the hardest, we were the last to be taken care of. At 5:00 AM the roads were inpassable and local schools had a 2 hour delay, by 7:00 AM the roads had been treated at least once and were passable enough for me to get my DS downtown to his local college. At 11:30 AM, I left the house to drop DD at my Grandmother's house for lunch and once again the roads were nearly impassable. I had to leave to pick DS up since his classes were over. Again, I was extremely cautious and made it down the mountain to still find no snow. I did a few errands and returned home. I pulled into my driveway, but could not make it all the way to the top. I pulled back out to try again, but could not go the way that I wanted since a plow truck was just sitting across the street, blocking the narrow entrance into a development. I knew that I would again have problems making it up the driveway, since I needed to be on the opposite side of the road to get a good start. I was right and was stuck at the bottom of my driveway, a short way in, but completely of away from the road as well as the berm. DS got out of the car to go get a shovel to help me get free. As he was on his way back down the driveway, I turned to my right and saw another van come up over the hill and start to slide on the undercoating of ice as well as 4 inches of snow that was lying on the road. I could tell he was going to be able to regain control of the car and knew he would hit me. I turned away from where the impact would occur and braced myself for impact that did indeed come. The impact spun me around and carried me out of the driveway and along the berm of the road narrowly missing my mailbox on my side. I was just thanking God that DS had not been in the car where moments ago he was. I had no noticeable injuries and neither did the other driver, who came over to my vehicle apologizing and asking me to call 911 which I did. They patched me through to the state police who said they would send someone as they already had many, many accidents to contend with already. In a few moments a trooper came upon the scene, and in my opinion was completely unprofessional. He questioned both the other driver and myself as to what was going on here?! I really wanted to give him a smart-mouthed answer, since he seemed so smart-mouthed himself. I told him what had just happened to which all he could reply was with a grunt. I told him I had called and the state police had said someone would come out, to which he replied with a groan and told me to hang on and then proceeded to handle the accident scene, while intermittenly yelling at cars who had stopped behind him on the road, not knowing if it was safe to do so, since he had not set up any flares or scured the scene in anyway. I was sure there would be another car to slide into the mess that was already there. Even I knew that my car would be undrivable since he hit the van and broke the wheel and the area aroound it was destroyed as well, as the passenger sliding door that popped open, bent, and would not close, the trooper insisted I didn't need it towed and told me I could drive up the driveway?! Luckily, DH had come along in his company vehicle and agrred with me that it was undrivable. We called our mechanic to have his towing company come and get it, but had to wait several hours due to all the calls they were already handling. I wnet in the house and called my insurance agent, but got another employee who I thought was very curt and not understanding. I have not had an accident of any kind in over 20 years, sorry! My mother called and noticed that my car was parked along the road, and I told her what happened. She was concerned with whether the other driver stopped or I had gotten his info. I could see the wheels turning innher head over some kind of lawsuit, because that is always first on her mind. She mentioned to my father that I was hit, and he had no response. Of the 2 DD's who came home from school on the bus, one was a tad concerned about me, while the other just kind of made a face at me like what did you do now?! Later in the day, friends stated calling for various reasons. When I mentioned I was in a car accident one said Really? and then went about her mission fo finding out if I would be going to a meeting on Thurs. and if she could ride along since she didn't feel like driving 30 miles or paying for gas. The others were pretty much the same response. The next day, I had to call back the insurance person, to let them know that I had noticed my ankle was swelling and turning black and blue, and that I was unable to turn my neck. She was annoyed and gave me another number to call, who told me I had to wait for the other guys info to come through. Finally, the other guys insurance adjuster called me to get some details and find out where the van was. She recommended a body shop nearby, so I called my mechanic to ask his opinion on where they wanted to send the van. He wasn't there, but the second in command, who I really don't know very well, but knows DH and at least my car, was very concerned if I was OK and how I was feeling. Basically, a total stranger was the first person to ask this in all sincerity! As the day went on I felt more and more sore and stiff, but as usual when mom gets sick or anything, I'm just supposed to live with it and carry on with my running around for everyone else. Another "close" friend called later that night to which he resonded on hearing of the accident was, wow. Then made sure that I would still be doing him a favor on Saturday. I called another friend to ask her about a trip to NYC that my DD & her DS were taking this morning with the Spanish club. DD's had missed school yesterday, due to the fact that this snowsquall as the meteorologists around here were making it out to be, had weighed down the powerlines that were without power from after Midnight to about 11:00 AM. I just wanted to make sure the trip was still on and everything. She was kind of bummed when I couldn't also give DS a ride due to the fact I have no car! Just one more peson not even asking if I was OK. I am really sorry this is so long, but it just goes on from there. I know I can't depend on my parents jsut to be there whenever I want, but knowing that DH had to be at work, DD needed to be at her school at 6:30 AM for her trip, and the fact that DS had an early class, and we were down to one car at the time, and agreeing to give DS a ride to college, my DM calls me at 11:00 PM last night to say that they decided to go to Atlantic City in the morning and I need to find arrangements. Sorry, but I was not happy! I called to DH to discuss the situation, and how we could handle it, all I got from his was a rant about how I need to get everything under control and make sure the kids get where they need to be until we get the rental and I shouldn't ask him, cause he doesn't have any answers! Of course, shortly thereafter he apologized for acting like a jerk. We talked and came up with what we thought was a pretty viable solution, slightly dependent upon my parents pushing there departure back an hour, but they wouldn't here of it. So we did resolve it only the most inconvenient and wasteful way imaginable, becuase it was the only way it would work. But the thing that has me most upset, is that my very best friend, who we've done inumerable favors for could not be counted upon even for moral support. Even though, when they need a favor involving giving the DH or their DD a ride somewhere evne when it puts us out, we have always done it for them. Then the DH makes a big speech about what great friends we are and we are al so lucky to be able to depend on each other for favors. Yes, they done us some as well. But my supposed best friend is in one of her moods, where she decides whether she feel like making any effort or not. I am the one who is supposed to call her and find out how she is doing, yes she has had some problems. But so have I, and sometimes I feel like maybe she should just call and find how things are going with me. I have made the last sevral attempts, but if she isn't in the mood she doesn't pick up the phone and she doesn't return calls, sh just waits until I try again. After the last 2 attempts, I don't ever feel like trying again. I called her on my 4 year olds birthday to thank her for the card she sent, but I talked to her DH and was told she'd call me as soon as she got out of the tub. I guess that's been one very long bath! then her DH called late one night, but I couldn't get to the phone in time and he hung up. Like a fool, I was concerned that something was really wrong when I called right back to his cell phone that he called on, her cell phone and the home phone and got no answer. All messages still have not been returned. I know she is OK now since I have seen her driving around the area. But i didn't even sleep that night. So I didn't call and ask for a fvor with getting DH to work, since both DH's workplaces are very close together, thinking she'd probably wouldn't pick up the phone. I'm sorry again for ranting so long, but I'm really upset. It just isn't a very good feeling to be sitting in a parked car, realizing you are bout to be hit, and knowing there was nothing I could do to avoid it. I can still see that car coming right at me, and I feel like I have no one to support me. If I am overreacting please tell me!

04-18-2007, 02:45 PM

You are NOT overreacting...so don't put even MORE weight on your shoulders.

Feeling underappreciated and un'loved' is a valid and very justified feeling you have.

I could go on and on, but the bottom line is: re-evaluate your 'friends'...this could be a crossroad for you.

Then again, on the other hand,.....it could be 'just a bad day'. We all have 'em...and we all hate 'em.

Chin up.....the sun will shine again.

04-18-2007, 03:28 PM

Life really isn't nice sometimes. I am so sorry this happened to you. Just one thing after another. Like Carolee said, your feelings are indeed very justified. I do not think you are over reacting. That must have been so frightening to be sitting in that car, knowing there was nothing you could do, feeling so helpless in the situation. For the first person to really ask sincerely how you are doing to be a stranger. You will be in my prayers that everything will start to heal. Your body from the accident, and your heart from your friends and family's total lack of support. Your Intercot Family is here for you! Please know we will be willing you back to feeling good again!

04-18-2007, 03:45 PM
First off I just wanted to say that PENNdot STINKS!!!!!!! My car got totaled earlier this year when my parents who were driving it got hit by a truck that skidded on ice that was still there from a storm that occurred 3 days prior.

Second, I read your whole post and I feel terrible for you. I definitely know what you mean when you say as a mom you are expected to be able to do everything all the time- I am not a mom but I admit to treating my mom like that in the past. Luckily as I've grown I've learned that moms aren't super heroes and they need breaks too.

As far as your parents choosing to go to Atlantic City instead of taking their grandson to college like they promised- That is so selfish. I can't believe it and I don't even know what else to say.

:pixie: and :hug: on their way to you, I hope that things start looking up and you aren't injured too badly.

04-18-2007, 04:34 PM
Heather of course you have a right to be upset.

It sure sounds like everyone you thought would be there just wasn't.

I hope your ok and that your ankle is getting better and not worse. Do you have any idea when you'll get the rental so that you can get some stuff back under control? I hope it's soon. I'm sure not being in control of everything is a part of what's making you so unhappy as your normally very organzied!

I'm sorry your going through this and hope it gets better!

04-18-2007, 04:38 PM
I'm very sorry for all you are going through. After reading your post I'm wondering, did you get to the doctors and get checked out?? If you didn't you need to do that now!
To heck with everyone else, take care of yourself.
As for your "best friend" i had a best friend liked that also, After you settle down from all that is going on you should really examine your friendship and decide if it is worth the effort to keep it going. (mine wasn't) Like yours sounds mine was a one sided friendship with me doing all the work!
Unfortunately, most Mom's are the "machine that can't break down" and we have to keep going and no one notices until we break. Kind of like the washer/coffee pot etc. It's always there doing what it's suppose to be doing.... until it stops. You need to take a time out and recover from your accident. It was traumatic and you need to work through it.
take care and keep us posted.

04-18-2007, 04:38 PM
Wow - you poor thing!!!!

First off, you are certainly not overreacting. Eliminate that thought from your mind now. You deserve compassion and care during this time. I can't even imagine what it was like for you to know you were going to be hit and just having to brace yourself for it. I'm so glad you weren't hurt too bad (although I'm sorry to hear you aren't feeling completely up to par). Carolee's right, this could be a crossroad for you. It's definitely time to re-evaluate friendships and yourself. You are important......and you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Here's a hug....:hug: and some :pixie:

We're here for you!!! :angel:

04-18-2007, 05:22 PM
Heather, you are so totally NOT overreacting!! You have every right to feel frustrated, hurt & upset. Most of what I could say would just repeat what everyone else has said -- so I am just sending you as much :pixie: :pixie: :pixie: and :magic: :magic: as I can find here to send to you!! What an awful, horrible day -- once this whole mess is over and you're feeling better (how are your ankle and neck, BTW?) I would definitely sit down and re-evaluate a few things, most especially your friendship with your "best" friend, and let your parents know how you're feeling. I can't imagine what they were thinking, but maybe they thought you were just fine and didn't realize the enormity of what you'd just been through. Whatever the case, though, I'd talk it over w/ them and not let it get you down -- just remember that parents and kids, the ones who love us most, can be the most unthoughtful, presuming people in our lives!! Go figure!!

Keep your chin up -- and let us know how you're doing!! :thumbsup:

04-18-2007, 06:01 PM
Heather -- you are not overreacting. I can't believe nobody was willing to help you out. I hope you are feeling better.

Marilyn Michetti
04-18-2007, 09:43 PM
You're NOT over-reacting, and the state police probably were just over-whelmed with what happened to their work-load.

As for your family, and "friends"?, I'd say, buy some new ones. Wellllllll, you know. What goes around, comes around, and let's hope they will remember their lack of concern if they need help. (Bet you'll be there for them).

So sorry about everything. You're from Pa.? We spent 24 years in Phila., and they could use some help with public maintenance.:mad:

04-20-2007, 10:49 AM
I feel for you! The last two accidents I was in I watched coming and it is the worst thing in the world. Thankfully you are ok (minus your neck and ankle, of course)! Lots of pixie dust from me to you. Anytime you need to rant and rave, there are bazillions of people on here that will read every word! We care about you a whole bunch. :)

Beach Club Babe
04-23-2007, 11:54 AM
I'd just like to thank everyone who responded for their support! I can't tell you how much it meant to me and how much it was appreciated!

Just thought I'd update to add that my van has been totalled, but the other guy's insurance has been nothing but cooperative thus far. But I do have to go out and find another vehicle, which I detest car shopping. I have absolutely no idea what to get. I've had a minivans for years, but am not sure I want another or not. The kids are getting older and we don't need to have everybody with us all the time, but sometimes it's nice. I've thought about sedans, but it seems so odd to drive one now, being used to the larger minivan. If I go the SUV route, I think I'd rather have a smaller one that an enormous one. Anybody can feel free to throw some suggestions my way! They'd be much appreciated!

Thanks again for all the kind words!

04-23-2007, 12:40 PM
Heather -- I have four kids too and drive a Surburban. But for something smaller that will hold a big family, there is the Tahoe. There are lots of SUV's out there, but I'm not too familiar with them to offer any opinions.

04-23-2007, 02:38 PM
I am so sorry to hear about everything you went through last Monday. I think that was just a horrible day all around, and I am so sorry to hear about your accident. I was in a really bad accident 11 years ago, and I completely understand how frightening it is, especially when you see it's about to happen!

As far as cars/SUV, etc... I feel you can't ever go wrong with a Subaru. They are incredibly safe and drive so very well in the snow. I'm trading in my Mercury wagon some time within the next year and getting a Forrester. We've had 4 Subarus, and I never feel as safe as I did in any one of those sturdy cars...although they might not be large enough for you...


P.S. I think that when things are looking a bit brighter for you, we should have another one of those Philly area Intercot get togethers. It's been over 2 years since we had that gathering at KofP:D Maybe that would be something great to look forward to!

04-23-2007, 03:00 PM
I'm so sorry bout your car, I hope your stiffness in the neck is getting better (try cold packs instead of warm, its supposed to reduce the swelling and numb it abit) and I hope your ankle is better. Insurance people are complete nightmares (in my experience with our company)
We never get snow in Alabama so its bizare to read about impassable roads but I'm glad your son was out of the way and that your mechanic has a good soul.
Feel better soon huny! Heres a hug from the south! :hug:

04-23-2007, 03:53 PM
Heather, I just read your post. You are certainly NOT overreacting. How awful to be the one that needs support from others and not receive it!
It sounds like everyone is just too wrapped up with their own lives and they just don't realize the severity of your situation.
At least the other guys insurance company is working with you.
I'm not sure what kind of SUV you're looking for. I've got a Jeep Liberty and I love it!!! But then again, I've always had a fondness for Jeeps. The Liberty I currently own is my 2nd Liberty and my 3rd Jeep.
When we were shopping for DH's car we were checking out Fords. He wound up getting an Explorer which works out perfectly for our family of 3. It seats 5 comfortably and has a ton of cargo space in the back. A smaller SUV Ford offers is the Escape. Comparable in size to the Liberty.
Do your homework on the Internet and be sure to check out Consumer Reports. They always have lots of good info on things.
Good luck. Sending lots of :pixie: and :hug:

04-23-2007, 10:49 PM

I'm sorry for all you have been through in the last week. Here's a hug from your friend in NJ:hug:.

You have every right to be annoyed. You are always there for everyone.

I hope you are starting to heal. I think that planning a trip to Disney may help:mickey:

Good Luck with the car shopping. I'm a Suburban kind of girl, but if I had to I would buy a Honda Odyssey. It's the official minivan of the mom's at my girls school (LOL).

Keep Smiling Heather.

04-23-2007, 11:46 PM
Take a look at the Chevy Uplander. It looks like a cross between a minivan and an SUV. :drive:

05-02-2007, 09:15 AM
How are you feeling now? Everything quasi back to normal for you? I hope you're doing better. Good luck with everything.

Beach Club Babe
05-02-2007, 11:41 AM
How are you feeling now? Everything quasi back to normal for you? I hope you're doing better. Good luck with everything.

Hi, thanks for asking! Things are kind of back to normal I suppose! Emotionallly, I've gotten over everything, although still a little ticked at my "best" friend. I still haven't decided on which car to get, and that drives DH nuts, but that will be taken care of shortly, I'm sure. Physically, things are not really back to normal. My ankle is fine and the bruising swelling went away very quickly. However, my neck is a different story. I figured that that would go away as well, but when I did I went to see my mom's chiropractor and discovered I have a big problem when the x-rays came back. I also have some minor problems that can be easily corrected, but I'll have to see an orthopaedic soon and start physical therapy. Apparently, it will never be able to be "fixed", but I'll have to do this to prevent further problems and worsening of the condition. So I guess for the mostpart things are returning to normal, and I'll be OK, just a little obstacle I really didn't expect to deal with. Thanks again for asking!